Text: I love being awesome!Renay ([personal profile] renay) wrote,
@ 2006-02-06 10:14 pm UTC
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Entry tags:fanfic: final fantasy viii

Natural Sequence (3,076 words)
Ellone/Watts, G/worksafe
There is a particular sequence in the process of loving and being loved in return.

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[identity profile] mneme_forgets.livejournal.com
2006-04-08 08:47 pm UTC (link)
I love the way that Watts is so normal and that Ellone adores him for that. I think that she would too. I think that she would desperately want some normality in her life.

I love the simplicity of the scenes you write - Zone is wet and his hair looks silly on the white seed ship. Zone is covered in grease.

I like that he defends himself for serving tea before Ellone even says anything out loud about how is amuses her.

I enjoy how Ellon has ordinary worries too - she won't tell Watts she came to see him for fear of him rejecting her and meanwhile he seems to just be afraid that she will leave too quickly because he's dull.

It's strange that Ellone says she likes Watts and he says he liked her. But then a few sentences away their situations are reversed - she seems unsure of who she is in the present. I like the nuances of this story.

Watts' anger and hatred of the SeeDs seems very apt. He and Zone were so vehement that the SeeDs take care of Rinao and keep her safe. I can see that he would blame them for her death. I like the way he isn't scared to cry in public.

I really love the way that Ellone and Watts are real people with real problems. Sometimes the characters in these games seem super human and all of their problems are so complex, but Ellone and Watts fall ourt over miscommunication just like everyone else in this crazy messed up world. This is a lovely quiet story.

Nitpicking:
"Kids too used to order from a woman, she had decided long ago, with Edea absent." I think "orders" needs to be pluralized.

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[identity profile] bottle-of-shine.livejournal.com
2006-05-08 05:04 pm UTC (link)
This review has renewed my faith in this story. xD I was so terrified I had just completely fallen flat with it? Like, it was for a challenge, anyway, and I felt like I completely failed the challenge, getting across the changes to their characters by the end of the story, communicating what I wanted about their characters, but your words have made me feel so much better about it. Thank you so much. <3

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[identity profile] mneme_forgets.livejournal.com
2006-05-08 05:46 pm UTC (link)
I'm glad I helped renew your faith. I like these characters and I liked the way you wrote them. :)

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